My Normal...

I am hurting so so bad. I have 20 mature follicles and my estradiol is almost 3,000! OMG- For estradiol, they like to see at least a level of 200 for each mature follicle- so what does that tell you about my 3,000! oh my- my ovaries hurt! ha I am REALLY happy though that my body seems to be responding so much better this time. Here is a picture of what my ovaries look like:

and here is what a non-stimulated ovary looks like at the time of ovulation:

Do you see that ONE little stimulated follicle... WELL...I have TWENTY of those! ha

I am going in for my egg retrieval in the morning at 10:45. I can't eat anything after 12:00 tonight. With my retrieval being so late, I probably should eat something right before midnight tonight. That is only if I can stay up that late! I have been going to bed at around 7:00 or 7:30- and falling RIGHT to sleep. My body must be super busy!

C and I had supper club last night with some friends. We were having a great time after dinner just sitting and chatting, when, guess what? I had to leave early, because I had to do my timed trigger shot and I felt like I was going to fall asleep right there in that chair. I feel abnormal- I really feel like I am disabled sometimes, although I know that is not the case. I keep thinking that I want my life to be "normal" again. But, what is normal? Maybe this IS my normal. My normal is leaving dinner parties before everyone else to go give myself shots. My normal is looking at every mother and wondering if she truly knows how blessed she is. My normal is waking up every morning wondering what God has in store next. My normal is freaking out over the cost of meds and then having to listen to my husband throw a hissy about it, then apologize about it later. My normal is wanting to cry every time a parent doesn't show up for their child's parent/teacher conference because they are proving to me that they do not know the blessing that they have. My normal is watching bellies grow all around me and wondering if I will ever feel the beautiful feeling of my belly stretching and little movements inside of me. My normal is looking on the computer every day to see if yet another person is due to give birth to their own miracle, and then holding back the tears with the happiness that I truly do have for that person. My normal is friends starting to not call, people stopping listening, and family obviously getting tired of the ride that I am on. Well, I am getting tired too people. I am not talking about it anymore, I am putting on a smile and when the pregnant friend that works in the room beside me turns her head and looks away when talk of infertility is broached- I will smile- knowing that she just doesn't know- she will never know. My normal is making me thankful and I am grateful for that!

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds. James 1:2