The results...

Everything looked PERFECT!

Today, I am 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant...

HCG beta level- 2762

Progesterone- 54

Estrogen- 529

Since my levels are above 1500, they know that they will be able to see the sac, so they want me to come in on Thursday for our first ultrasound!!!! YAY!!!!

OK- C and I play a lot of number games around here... we have fun making connections and we also believe that our God is a God of order, so it is neat to see how the numbers all add up! ;)

I will go ahead and say that in our relationship and in my life...the number 7, 11, and 17 come into play A LOT!

egg retrieval- 2-17-10 (2+1+7+1+0= 11) & 17 eggs retrieved

transfer- 2-22-10 (2+2+2+1+0= 7)

pregnancy test day- 3-3-10 (3+3+1+0=7)

HCG beta on 1st pregnancy test- 151 (1+5+1=7)

Repeat HCG beta- 2762 (2+7+6+2= 17)

Now that you think that we are officially crazy....you have to admit it is kinda strange! With God, there is no coincidence

Disarm Fear

I just had to copy this to keep for my own journaling purposes... I am now waiting again for a phone call from the Dr. to see if my levels are going up as they should- Why am I so nervous?

Facing Fear
“You alone are to be feared. Who can stand before you when you are angry?” Psalm 76:7 NIV

Fear certainly is something on most people’s minds these days. With terrorists attacks, wars, earthquakes, stock market troubles, and Hollywood’s unending supply of fear-based entertainment, Americans and many others in the world have plenty of inspiration for fear.

What exactly is fear, anyhow? Fear is like “negative faith” and is based on doubt that God is still in control of things. It suggests that the current situation has gotten too big for even God to recover from…that evil has finally gained the upper hand in things and that hope of good triumphing has vanished or at least, is not certain.

I believe that God wants us to exercise our faith in the face of every fear-filled circumstance we face in life. I’m certain that most of us face some type of fear every day. It could be the fear of death, the fear of failure, the fear of getting fired, the fear of breaking secrecy, the fear of our marriage dissolving, the fear of financial ruin, the fear of persecution, or many others. God calls us to evaluate every situation from the mindset that he is Lord over all things in heaven and on earth. The word says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV).

This doesn’t mean that the devil will stop killing, stealing and destroying, but it does mean that ultimately justice will be carried out by God in his timing. If we’re trusting in God, we need not fear anything in the list above…even being killed by a terrorist, because our identity is as a son or daughter of God for eternity. We can take comfort in God’s words to us in these troubled times, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV).

Questions for further thought:
What are some of the sources of fear in your life? I was so afraid that I would never become pregnant- I gave that to God and now I am scared about the pregnancy.
What are two of your greatest fears?
- losing the baby
- me doing something to hurt the pregnancy
What is the truth about those fears, especially considering your identity as a son or daughter of God in Christ?
- God is in charge- He knows what is best for me no matter what. He has the BEST plan, and I need to rest in that. I am HIS daughter and He wants the best for me and C. God has not given us a spirit of fear!
How does faith in God disarm fear?
Faith in God disarms fear by simply overcoming the fear due to complete and total reliance. I learned this when I was waiting to find out if I would ever have a baby, and now I am re-learning this as I care for this life inside of me. I have to know that whatever happens, happens because God wants it to happen that particular way. I cannot it will it one way or the other.

Prayer:
“Heavenly Father, I praise you for being God of heaven and earth and everything in them. I thank you that nothing can succeed against you and that you will execute perfect justice in your time. Please forgive me for succumbing to any fear in my life. I see that it is linked to doubting you, and I see that as sin now. Please help me live in the reality that you are Lord over all things and that I am your child and servant. Please help me apply the truth to every area of fear in my life. Thank you for your favor and protection over me that Jesus purchased for me by dying on the cross. I love you, Father. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

Unseen...

I have had the most amazing morning praising the Lord, crying and thanking Him for what He has done. I can feel that this pregnancy is something that is going to last. God is giving me so much peace. I will have to say that I have to constantly fight the feeling that something might happen. After losing the pregnancy in December, it is much easier to have those doubts. I was reminded this morning the true meaning of FAITH:
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Things UNSEEN...and believe me, I am having to have A LOT of faith right now that things are going as they should in my body. I am giving this baby all that I can humanly give, but God is ultimately in charge. If it were all up to me...that would really be scary...but it isn't- it is in HIS hands.
I am keeping this blog as an infertility/pregnancy diary. I have only given this address to a select few and if hearing about my pregnancy bores you...then please do feel free to not read. I will probably be redundant and very graphic.
Today, I am 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant. During this week, "doodles" looks more like a tadpole than a baby. He/she already has heart tubes- 2 tiny chanels- and though it is not quite functional, it is already beating! Also, the neural tube, which will become his/her brain and spinal cord. It is not yet closed...but will close by next week. It is so cool to think that a semi-formed heart is already beating inside of me. I can assure you that my heart has already been stolen by this tiny person.
I am feeling great- just a little wave of nausea every now and then. I am so HUNGRY all of the time...that is weird. I wake up every morning at 4:45- STARVING. C said to put food by the bed-side...but I can't stomach eating in the bed- that is just nasty. My breasts are a little tender and sore, but hurt the worst at night. I had a little bit of a metallic taste in my mouth yesterday, but not today. I feel small cramps in my uterus...I know that it is just stretching. It has never done anything like this before. ha. I have to run to the bathroom a lot, and I am VERY tired in the afternoon. Other than that, I am feeling great-I know that it is still early, but I am routing for NO morning sickness! :)
I smile at every symptom. This is such a blessing. I am doing my best to relax and enjoy this. Having Faith in things unseen...

4 weeks- Little Poppyseed!

....and this is what we will call "doodles" looks like until we know the gender... he or she (or they)are/is the size of a poppyseed! Thank you God!!!!!!!

Weekly info on the "doodles"-

In week 4, now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months!
___________________________________________
From my devotion this morning: What a powerful message:
From reading Psalm 30:1-12

In verse 6 David gives a testimony: "Now in my prosperity I said, 'I shall never be moved."' When we have prosperity without humility, it leads to adversity. Why? Because we start to be more concerned with things than we are with God. David said in his prosperity, "I shall never be moved." But then he found out that he could be moved. He found out that his prosperity did not guarantee security. So instead of saying "I shall" or "I shall not," he began saying "You have." He submitted his will to God's will. "You have" defeated the enemy. "For You have lifted me up, and have not let my foes rejoice over me" (v. 1). "You have" given me victory. "You have" answered prayer. "You have healed me" (v. 2). "You have brought my soul up from the grave; You have kept me alive" (v. 3).
God did some marvelous things for David. He defeated his enemy, answered his prayer, saved his life and established him (v. 7). And then He gave him joy. "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness" (v. 11). Move from "I shall" to "You have" and, in humility, praise God for what He has done.

Look at what God has done...

For almost 2 years, I have been collecting little things that I wanted to put out when I told C that he was going to be a daddy. Today, the Lord blessed, and I was able to display those precious things on our table. Yes... God has blessed us with a baby on the way! We are simply ecstatic!

I had the white and green onesies made online...
"Mommy and Daddy's Answered prayers"

and just for C..."Worth Every Penny$" ha

this is the little blue onesie in the middle...I saw this about 1 year ago and grabbed it...and yes...this feeling...it was worth the wait!
...and visual proof for C!

Dr. L called me today at around 11:30... I was terrified by the tone of his voice. I prayed for God's grace before I even hit the answer button. He said.."Well, A.... You are pregnant!" I started sobbing and thanking God...Dr. L was laughing. He asked me if I felt like I just won a gold medal at the Olympics...and I said, "This has to be much better than that"!

The nurse then got on the phone to give me all of the specifics and go over all of the meds that I am taking.

My HCG beta level is: 151 (WoW...that is high)

my progesterone and estrogen levels were also perfect.

and for keeping memories...here is a picture of our babies on the day that they were transferred:

and this is a blurry picture of my uterus and the bright white dot on the right of my uterus is the babies at the time that they were transferred:God is SO good...all I have been doing is praising Him all day. I immediately fell to my knees and started thanking Him the minute that I got the news. I still feel like I am in a dream. Somebody pinch me please!

The Same: yesterday, today and forever

Matthew 6:27
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I am clinging to this verse today as I wait to hear the results from the pregnancy test. I have no idea what today might bring. It may be one of the best days of my life...or it may be the worst. What a strange feeling to know that one little phone call is going to change my life forever. Whatever the answer is...my life will be different. I am not sure where we will go from here if the answer is no: Will we take a different route in becoming parents? Will we try again? Can I do this again? All of these questions God will answer in due time. I know that I will not be able to answer these questions today. I feel dizzy- like I did on my wedding day. I felt such a peace that day- a peace that passes understanding. I feel that same peace today. It is almost surreal. I didn't feel this way last time. I was in such a tizzy I couldn't even talk. Thank you God for sending your peace. Worry will not change the message that I will recieve on that phone call today- nor will worrying about when they will call. Nothing will change the outcome.
I read this today during devotion time and wanted to post it as to be able to keep it. God is good ALL of the time!

You’ve all seen them. Those commercials that interrupt your favorite
television program. Intimate glimpses into the blissful interactions of parent
and infant. An awestruck toddler discovering the wonder of a frog. A bald,
gurgling baby gleefully splashing as she is bathed in the kitchen sink. Yes, the
voiceover on the commercial is correct. “Having a baby changes
everything.”

Every time I hear that line, I also hear the anguished cry of millions
infertile women: “Yeah? Well, not having a baby changes everything too!”

Infertility brings many life changes. Your dreams change. Your view of your
future changes. Your plans change. Even your vacations change! After all, you
can’t go rock climbing during that dreaded two week wait--just in case!

But there one thing that will never change, even through the ups and downs
of infertility. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

The same Jesus who wept with Mary and Martha when their hearts were broken,
weeps with you as you stare brokenhearted at another negative pregnancy test.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

The same Jesus who wouldn’t let go of Peter’s hand when the storm raged on
is the same Jesus who holds you tight every time someone else announces a
pregnancy. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Through your changed dreams and plans, through the changing seasons of your
infertility, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

He will remain forever steady and unchanging, even as the calendar changes
from month to month and year to year.Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and
today and forever.

I Will!

I have been praying so hard for God to speak to me like He did when I was a little girl. I have been begging daily- but I really haven't been able to grasp on to His voice this week. I have to add on example of how God spoke to me as a little girl.

(One particular instance stands out when I was about 5 years old. I asked God what I could do to not get in trouble in Kindergarten anymore. I remember this like it was yesterday. He said, "Be more tranquil". I had no idea what tranquil meant. My mother also did not know and had to go look it up when I asked her what it meant. He also gave me a really blunt answer when I was not much older than the last event. I remember asking my mom how I would know that God is real. A common question for an inquiring child. I remember my mother telling me that she could not tell me the answer to that question, that God would tell me the answer. "But how will he tell me an answer if I don't even know that He is real?" I remember sitting by myself, and like a slap in the face...the verse popped out at me..."I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last"...Well...there you go...He told me!) I can't say that there hasn't been other times throughout my life that I have wondered...but I have always been able to remember that day. That day that He let me know that He was real- without a shadow of a doubt.)

He spoke to me like that often. Those are just a few examples. What happens as we get older? Do our ears close off to that still, small voice that was so easily heard in childhood? Our ears and spirits are so pure and clean then...is that why it was so much easier to hear? Maybe so- or just maybe as we get older we just forget how to listen. We have so much time in quiet as a child (or at least I did as an only child). Maybe we forget what His voice sounds like. I heard it once during this trial that we are in right now. About a year ago I ran into the bathroom at my school unable to breath from the pain that was going all through me. I had to go somewhere where no one would see me, where no one would ask me if I was OK, and then proceed to tell me "not to worry about it- your time is coming". I couldn't see another child- I couldn't take another step. I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me and it seemed that everyone around me was receiving the only thing that I have ever dreamed of. I sat in the bathroom sobbing when I heard an audible, tangible voice. "You will be a mom". That was it- that is all that I heard and then it was over. A wave of peace swept over me from head to toe and as I cry and type this another wave of peace is sweeping over me now. I also remember lying in bed this summer before we started injections, crying and scared. I was alone. Cal was on-call. I was scared, alone, and confused. I felt the heat and pressure of a Hand on my back as I lie sobbing in bed. Again, the Lord comforted me with such a simple gesture- a gesture that said to me "You are going to be OK." It reminded me of that day in the bathroom.
I have been feeling lately as if the Lord is asking me to be willing to give up the desire to become a mom. I don't mean give it up as in "giving it to Him"...I mean GIVE IT UP- as a sacrifice. Abraham put his only son Isaac on the alter as a living sacrifice. That was the most important thing in the world to him- a son that he waited years for. Am I willing to give up the most important thing to me? The thing that makes up my identity? The only thing that I ever wanted to do "when I grew up" ? I will be honest- I am not there completely. I did sob and tell God that I would go where He leads me. If He doesn't want me and C to be parents- then we will do what He wants us to do. I can't honestly say that I wouldn't be happy about that existence- but God will make me happy. He will do immeasurably more than I can imagine. Those were the hardest words to get out of my mouth- but I said them- and I meant them. "God, if you do not want me to be a mother- then OK- I will do whatever YOU want me to do". I cried and repeated the words "I will". I am praying daily that my desires become His desires. It is so easy to get them confused. I keep remembering the apropos words in the song that was sung at our wedding.

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?

I have heard you calling in the night.

I will go, Lord, if you lead me.

I will hold your people in my heart.

I will not, however, forget the promise that was made to me in that bathroom at work in one of my deepest darkest hours.